Thursday, September 10, 2009

The 3rd Day - THE BELLS!!!! THE BELLS!!!

4:30 AM : I woke up REALLY early this morning ...but didn't try to fight it this time. The kitties heard me and started to cry, my favorite coffee, Joffreys Angel's Kiss was a push button away and my DVR had a back log of Top Chef and Swords waiting for me...I JUMPED out of bed ( not really..kind of rolled with a little more speed than usual) and said not so loudly this morning...(too early for Cheerleader Barbie) THIS is going to be the BDE!!! (big sigh) NO ..Im not getting tired of was early!!! I briefly considered what the hell i was going to write about today and hoped something great would i could torture my friends with more of my insane musings.... well something happened allright.....

Every morning, I do the same thing..i have a system you see that must be STRICTLY adhered to..(not really but pretty much).. ..I get up, head straight to the bathroom, talk to pet and feed the cats, start the coffee, clean the cats box, wash my hands ..stand and wait for the coffee...I do nothing else without the coffee. Once i have the coffee in hand ( skim milk - no sugar, please)...its a free for all!! I am now FREE to plop my ass back on the couch and watch ALL the boobtube i want. Exciting isnt it!! Today , I strayed just slightly from the system as i was feeling overly productive and threw a couple loads of laundry in as well...I am Kickin some major domestic ass now!!

Anyhoo..I was kicking it with the Top Chefs...and started getting a little hungry...BIG SURPRISE...PAUSE..Love that DVR...into the kitchen for an Egglands Best Egg and Cheese Omelette..I am hungry NOW!! I never eat omelettes...but today..Im doin it!!... Take out all my ingredients and prepare my pan and get my utensils...Just call me Julia.. I get the omelette going in the pan ..its smelling yummy and BOOM !!SCREETCH!! ..BLACKNESS... BANG.!!! LIGHT!!! .THE BELLS!!!! THE BELLS!!!!! OH PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!! WTF JUST HAPPENED!!! ..BUT STILL THE BELLS!!! THE BELLS!!!
I really dont like Florida....but I'm trying really hard to be POSITIVE!!!

and it wasn't a little surge...ooooh noooooooooo...why would it be...I mean..we had NO LIGHTING, NO STORMS, NO WIND..NO NOTHIN!!! Just a freaky ass powersurge...did i say i really hate florida?

Did I mention i have a Security System????? Yeah..I have one...I never heard it go off until ..oh...5:30 AM this morning...I dont have a contract with a Security Company..never was here when i bought the townhouse...I have no codes..nothing is written on the display panel..and there is no LCD screen (cheap ass)..but the BELLS work really well!! So of course I do what anyone that just burned her omelette and shit her pants at the same time does...I viciously swear and run to the display panel and start furiously pushing all the buttons I can ..praying to god and sweating like a pig that this bastard will just stop RINGING!!!

YESSSS!!! SUCCESS!!! I'VE DONE IT!!!! ..oh but wait..WHAT is that noise??? Nasty little high-pitched feedback surely designed to drive a person insane if in fact the alarm bells didnt kill them first. Ok ..lets see ..a little more button pushing...nope...thats not working, beat on it..nope thats not working... ...oh god ..its not working..!!!! ...ok NOW im losing my shit..Im getting really i step away and calm myself and say....THIS IS THE BDE dammit and everything will be OK...take a breath. ( im already going nuts as I am talking loudly to myself., they call it self-calming when you are a baby but Im frikin 43 years old..its nuts!!) OK back to that pesky display the wall you come...hmmmmm..a little motherboard thingy with 4 little wires...Electrocution briefly enters my mind but its worth it I think.

SIDE NOTE: I have already taken down the mirror that hides the breaker panel that was painted shut until this morning ..but nothing marked Security Alarm---why am i not surprised)
Back to the story...Now my practical side doesnt really want to rip these four little wires out ..just incase someone buys my place when the economy is good and we all have 6 could add to the lovely features of a 2 bed/2 bath cookie cutter townhouse...but wait...Im on a tangent...lets get back to the BDE...So...instead of ripping out the wires..i decide to bitch slap the mother board thingy until it cries uncle no more! Sure expertise in bitch slapping pays off and it STOPS....I am SOOOOOOOO good!! This positive thinking is AWESOME!!! Yeah.I rock...!!!!

So as you can see Im feeling pretty,pretty,pretty,pretty,pretty good right now( thank you larry david)I fix myself another Top Chef omelette..another cup o joe and its back to the chopping block...PLAY!!

Things go pretty well for the next 2 8 am I am ready to get to the office and do my share of the work ( i have a hair appt at i will be gone for a good 2 hours) and now i know what i will be blogging about...I was Triumphant in my proving the laws of positive attraction work..all before 8 AM!!!

Well that last statement..was nothing but a BIG BOWL OF WRONG!!!

As i was opening the front door...with my laptop on one shoulder and my purse in hand....THE BELLS!!!! THE BELLS!!!! THE BELLS!!!!!!!!! OMG..its happening all over again!!! WTF..the bells are taunting me a second time( thank you Monty Python) I am now back to frantically pushing the buttons on the display panel..nothing, it comes back off the still dont want to pull those stupid its back to the Mirror OFF the Wall...and I start popping breakers...praying and BEING POSITIVE..that somehow the DOODADOO that installed this torture device has hooked it into one these things NOT marked SECURITY SYSTEM. BINGO.!!!..Master Bedroom...How Nice...Now i dont have to say Turn off the lights DEEP BREATH...OK..Im screwed .. But let me show you how positive I am....I waited and turned the breaker back on to see if maybe the alarm had reset itself ......waiting...waiting....ahhhh about 60 seconds in ...Im in the cle....THE BELLS!!!! THE BELLS!!!


NOW is the time , Ladies and Germs ( wasnt that W.C. FIELDS?), the crucial moment where the decsions you make will define how you will spend the rest of your day... in the past..(monday morning to be exact) I would have totally FREAKED OUT..yelling , screaming ,breaking things, swearing..well i did some of that but not super bad...holding my hands up to the sky and screaming WHY ME????? and basically worrying all day how in the hell i would get this sorted out..and make everyone I come in contact with just as miserable because no one could have possibly started their day out as badly as I had.... BUT since that is the OLD Laura...all I had to do was continue on with the BDE and say to myself (in my talking out loud) wont be so bad if I have to go without electricity in my bedroom for a day or night...It will get fixed one way or another...NO WORRIES....grab your stuff and go to work...its a pretty nice day outside and your partner is waiting for you. And that is just what I did..and it was the BDE!!!

Until Tomorrow...Its All Good!!!

P.S. Big Thank you to Shannon for coming over after a long day at his own job and totally dismantling that peice of crap!! You are the BOMB and have always been there to help me and I so APPRECIATE you for that...You get 5 Free Daubs Anywhere you want them next week!!!

1 comment:

  1. Sweet crap. If that ever happens to me at 5am, I certainly hope I'm still committed to having the BDE.

    More than likely, I'd just take a bat to anything that makes noise and order Chinese because I had such a tough day.


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